and then there was none

Every year, every month, every week, every day, every hour, every minute, every single godforsaken second. The same thing happens. Friends act like friends but they won't be there for you.

I can't count how many times did I hurt myself because of them. They act like they care but once they realised that my depression is getting to an extremely serious level, they left. Left me all alone. It's like I don't even exist in the first place. It's like I am just a sore to their eyes. It's like I am nothing. I think it would be better to be a speck of dust rather than being nothing.

Now, I just want to off myself completely. I just want to disappear and never come back. I just want to die. Everything doesn't seems right since 3 years ago and I can't take it anymore. Tired and devastated of everything.

Sometimes, I think to myself, "am I really a person in this world or am I just an illusion?"