Remember the first time we met? I couldn't resist laughing at how hilarious and fearless you were. The first word you said to me was "Hello" and I said "Hi" back. Then I thought to myself, why didn't I meet you during primary school before?
After the English test, you were place in the first class while me given the fact that my English is not the same level as yours but that didn't stop us from talking. We didn't talk much during the first since we weren't in the same class but remember the time everyone thought I had a crush on you just because I was observing you from afar? But you knew that I only looked at you because I was worried. We usually talked at night via Facebook since there was no Whatsapp and plus, you didn't get your phone yet.
The next year, we were placed in the same class and that is all where all of this started. You started to call me 'sayang' and I didn't know what to feel so eventually, I started calling you that by using that word too. Then, we get so used at talking to each other, I told you almost everything and I swear, during that time, we were platonic. You told me how much you loved calling everyone sayang but in the end, I was your favourite sayang after all. Do you remember that? I was your favourite sayang. Me. The person who owns this blog, was your favourite sayang. What happened?
Maybe I was naive because I was still young. What could a 14-year-old feel when her own friend tells her that? Maybe, just maybe, I didn't suspect anything since we were just close. I still remember the time you told you loved me and I said it back since I thought we were just saying it for the fun of it. And again, we were really close friends. I really thought there was nothing more than that. The whole year of 2012 was hell since my parents split up during that time but you were there, waiting, when I missed school for almost 2 weeks. Then, you told me how excited you were to see me at school again. But the year didn't go well as I thought it would. My depression started to kick in and at first, I could control it but as it goes on, I couldn't control it much longer. Scars were everywhere, some of it are still visible until now. You were there, all the time. You took care of me, you made sure I didn't do anything stupid. You threw all of my battlefield weapons away. You never failed to make me, well, me again. And I really thank you for that.
The next year, we were 15 and still in the same class. We got distanced from each other due to some unfortunate circumstances that I really don't want to recall. I still hate you for choosing her side and said how I was jealous of her. I wasn't jealous of anyone. Anyway, 15 was another difficult year for me and I wish to forget it completely.
2014, we were placed in the same class, again. We were surprised because you would be the last person I wanted to be in the same class in during that time. Then, it's like 2012 all over again. We talked every day about everything. We told each other almost everything. However, we were much mature than before so we didn't say unnecessary words to each other anymore. Our conversations started to get really really mature and it showed our age. Then, I realised how much we have grown. 2014 was a blissful year full of ups and downs. I hated and still hate my class but however, having you by my side was something I really look forward to everyday. From seating next to each other in class, lab and library to spending our time at the nearby mall together and to participating in useless-outdoors-activties-that-wont-bring-any-good. Everything was splendid when I'm with you. I started to realised my true feelings towards you last year and I really prayed to God that it wasn't true. I can't bear having this kind of feelings towards you.
Finally, this year, same class, same tuition center. But the only thing different is.... you. You changed a lot. You started to avoid me completely, it's like I never mattered to you in the first place. We fought almost every week and almost got into trouble for shouting to each other. All of it for what? For her. For the person who lied to you from day one. The person who tried to make you go against your friends. And you just let her do that. Don't you think that is too much? Because everyone else do think so. I was there for you through everything. This is how you treat me now? I am tired and sick. Really devastated. I'm sorry but you really changed. I miss the old you. Please come back. Don't do this to me. I can't bear with this anymore.
Remember when you told me you used to like me in 2012? I thought it was all a lie then I stopped my step to the train station and said to myself, 'that explains everything'. Sometimes, I wish the 14-year-old you would meet the 16-year-old me so then maybe we could be together. The first time you kissed my forehead was indescribable. I felt infinite and I wanted more. If only you weren't also a girl then it wouldn't be so rough.
I miss you. I really do.
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